... have been hell.
To summarise. Because let's face it, if I don't summarise, we will be here until the end of time.
I was off work for a week, two weeks ago, with sick and diarrhoea. I also had a fever and spent the majority of the week in bed. I went back to work a week later and had the worst week ever. Upon my return to work I found out my ex boyfriend (we named him Dick) was now engaged to the girl he got with after we got together (or so he says) and that there was talk of her being pregnant. Now, the pregnant thing never seemed to evolve from anything more than a rumour, however, the engagement was genuine and the only reason it got to me was that it was clear, to both me and others, that he must have been having a relationship with her during the time we where still together (which was suspected all along). I mean seriously, who gets engaged after 4 weeks? So, that got me a bit pissed off and the fact that for a time I thought she may be pregnant was a kick in the dick. But she's not, as far as I know, so whatever. So, work was dead, I was miserable, only way to cure it...? Get pissed. That, my friends, was the fun part! I spent the night with ingie<3 and I drunk a bottle of wine which went straight to my head and it felt great. I really let me hair down!
So, the next day I met up with my best friend and we went for coffee and tried on wedding gowns and bridesmaid dresses. It was fun and I was in a really good mood. A better mood than I had been in for many, many months. Some may say this was due to the fact I had previously decided to self medicate, others may not. Either way I felt good. So good in fact that I went and got my tongue pierced.
In hindsight, this wasn't me in a good mood, this was me deciding not to take my pills any more and thinking I was fine without them. As you read on you will see why I am to go back onto them next week.
So, tongue pierced and smiley faced I returned to work. Work was dead but it didn't bother me too much as I had my tongue pierced and could freak out my colleagues with it.
A few days later I was due to go clubbing with my friends and ingie<3 however, I had split my tongue quite bad and I was in a lot of pain with it. It was deep and sore and the healing process was taking much longer than anticipated. I decided I would go out with my friends but wouldn't drink any alcohol and would only stay out for a few hours.
When telling them this one friend replied, "Well it will be easier if you don't come because (Dick) is coming out."
That I thought was a nice message.
From here things have gone down hill.
My best friend and I had a massive fight and I cried for days. We have kind of made friends but things feel weird and will never be the same again.
Other friends I have lost and I feel like I am an emotional wreck.
I am off work again as I have once again got sick and diarrhoea and there is now blood in it and it has panicked me. It is probably all due to stress and my lack of medication. But I do not like the person I am when on those pills, however, I don't like being this person off my pills either.
I need to see a psychiatrist. Or buy a gun.
whatireallyneedistoleavethiscountrytoday<3
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