I love learning!

I've decided. It's amazing. All this. I'm grinning like a goon! Nobody would believe me now if I tried to deny my feelings about him! It would be impossible to do. A friend told me I'm that obvious I'm like a "bloody audio book!" ha! Well it's true. I love him! And I want everyone to know! I want to scream it from the rooftops!!!
He's amazing!
I can't keep him my secret any longer. I don't want to. I want the world to know just how much I feel for him!

I know he didn't believe me last night. When, in regards to a recent occurrence, I told him nobody has ever complimented me on that such occurrence before. I could tell he didn't believe me. But it's true! And he makes me feel so... Let's say 'different' ha about everything. I feel so sexually aware when I'm with him. He makes me feel attractive and... Bad! Hahahaha! Feelings I've never felt with another before. I can see I am going to learn a whole lot from him. And I'm looking forward to learning it all :D

It's not just sexually that he makes me feel different. Its emotionally too and physically (if that makes any sense). I feel things for him that I've felt for no one else. Emotions I didn't know were... feelable? That a word? Ha! Is now!! I didn't know it was possible to feel this much for a person. Someone who isn't flesh and blood, no relation to me. These feelings are nothing I have ever felt. I love my family and adore my nephew. But this feeling? I don't know what it is. And it scares the hell out of me. But it feels amazing all at the same time! I don't like getting close to people, I'm afraid of getting hurt. But I am devoted to this guy and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I know that probably sounds all lame and cliché but its true! My body feels him, senses him. I feel so different when I'm around him. I feel attractive, wanted. He's so beautiful. So perfect. Every inch of his being is... delicious! :P His smile is soooooo beautiful. So, so beautiful. I love making him smile. His laugh is as loud as mine! Ha! He is amazing! MY BOYFRIEND IS AMAZING!!! I love his eyes. I love them! I love looking deep into his eyes. I've never felt so at ease, looking into someone's eyes, ever! I could get lost in those eyes! Oh I'm obsessed!!! <3 He knows me. More than I know me. We are so in tune with each other. We have the same sense of humour we like the same things, yet we are so unalike all in the same way. It's amazing!

I feel like, with him, I can do things I've only dreamt of before...
We spoke about running away together. I have never been so serious about something in my life. If anybody has read my old lj account then they will see that I have wanted to run away for a very long time. But I've never found anybody I wanted to run away with. I hope he meant what he said. I'd love to leave. Save some money, pack a bag and disappear for a while. We'd get on the first plane we saw that we could afford and see where it took us! Spend our days journeying and making what little money we could. And our nights holding each other planning our next trip away...
(It's about now I should point out... IM FOOKING TERRIFIED OF FLYING!! hahaha!) But still! I want to disappear and I want to do it with him! I want to experience new places, new challenges, everything! And I want to experience them with him!

I adore him <3

...In other news... (Obsessive mental girlfriend rant over! Ha!) I've not lost any weight in a whole week :( my stomachs balancing. Time for a mini binge I think. Kick starts my metabolism. I'd do diet pills but I don't want to get caught up in that downward spiral again! I heard pineapple kick starts the metabolic process if you eat it in a morning. Only thing is, I fucking hate pineapple haha! I may do the rainbow diet again, that worked for a while last time and if all else fails I can always reintroduce the cabbage soup diet into my life ha! I'm sure ingie will love the cabbage soup farts hahaha!

I'm so sleepy today! I watched primer last night... Twice! But don't asks me what it's about. I got distracted... Twice! HA! It looks good though and I like the music so I will definitely try and watch it!!!
He's been working with me today. It's torture working with him but not being able to kiss him!
I think we may have got caught kissing in the office. I should worry. But I don't. I want to kiss him. I want to kiss him everywhere!!!
I woke up in the middle of the night dancing! Ha! I was so embarrassed. He said he didn't notice but hmmm lol I'm so embarrassing when I sleep!
I can't stop talking today. I want to talk about him alllll night long! I'm in a very good mood!!

imlovinglearningnewthingswithyou<3

Blah!

I don't know were my head is today but it's certainly not on work. I don't know. I shouldn't have read that diary last night. I just shouldn't have. Fucking hell!
I've had a bad night and in having a worse day. I'm messed up. I don't know my emotions these days. I'm a fool! People!!! Don't cross me today. I'm on major rage! Urgh!
Why why why!!!! Why does everything get ruined by Lee? Urgh! Biggest fucking regret? I dunno. I can't just cut him out of my life! I know I should! But I just can't. I don't even love him. I did. But nothing like I feel now. And it's being ruined by him again. Every fucking time. It's not even his fault! Urghhhhh!!! I don't know my head anymore. I want to run away! I hate facing my problems!

ingieimsorryimsomessedup<3

My Journal

What scares me most - from reading my journal - isn't the pain I went through; rather, not remembering any of it.

I really do block things out.

I'm scared of what I'll remember if I try.

A box of memories

A box of memories can be a difficult item to explore at the best of times. But a box of memories from a time you don't like to remember is impossible to explore! Not without the reliving the pain from earlier years.
My mother brought me a box today. It was filled with papers and notes. I thought not much of it and threw myself in. And then I went quiet and asked my mother to leave. This box is hard work.
I went through some of the items. But I can't deny the pain it caused.
I found my old journal from 2006. I read a page and closed it. I know it needs to be read. It will make things much easier for me when I have dealt with those emotions I'm sure. However, I have held on to them for such a long time. I don't think I'm ready to say goodbye to them.
I found a card from Lee. I should have thrown it away. But I'm not ready to.
I found a letter to Lee. I kept that as well.
I didn't keep them because I love him, or miss him. I didn't keep them because I want to remember him. I did it just because I'm not ready to throw them away. I don't know why. I can't say. I'm just not ready. It was a big big time in my life; being hospitalised, having my operation, getting cancer, losing Lee. All big parts of my life. So yeah, my box is going in a corner, until I am ready to read it.

iamhavingasadnight<3

Rush!

I got up wayy too late. I had lots to write but I will probably forget it by tonight.... :(
Anyways, work time. Sorry people for forgetting stuff later!

ihavegoodextensions<3

Mothers

I got the third degree from my mummy this evening. She told me off. Losing too much weight again.
"Need to eat. Stop losing weight. Blah, blah effing blah!"
The thing is... I'm not!
I know when I'm losing control and I am completely in control. So I am not losing too much weight.
When I'm 7 stone.. then I'll have lost too much. Right now. I'm fine!
I think I'm about 9st now. I need to be 8st then I'll probably stop.
Time to stop wearing tight clothes around my mother!
Okay people. I'm veeerrryyy tired. And a little moody.
Somebody come tell me a story :)

ireallyneedtogotosleep<3

x x x

Short Post... (end's up not so short)

Short post this morning as I have got up late and I have to go to work :( I shall continue my chats with you when I return home though, so don't you worry!
So...

I've had a BRILLIANT weekend!!! I've had the BEST weekend of my life!!! THE BEST!
I am so in love with him! So soon, so fast! But I don't care how soon and fast it is! I love him and it feels amazing!!!

He came around, and my sleeping didn't even scare him! He said I was talking about training and then I got up to use the loo and was talking to him. I didn't even remember that! I'm so embarrassing! He stayed after work. We went to my friend's house and watched rubbish and weird films ha! I think they like him. They did the "We'll be overly sarcastic to you and see how you can cope with it" thing and he seemed to cope okay so I don't think he has anything to worry about there. Heh my friends are very over protective of me. But they spent the whole night keeping their dog away from him because he has allergies and that's not something my best friend would do for just anyone! She's a bigger bitch than me! Ha!

He spent the night. I was amazing. I liked sleeping next to him, even if I did sleep like a fool and talk and walk and drule! ha! He looks cute when he sleeps <3

We spent Sunday breaking the rules. Cooking Sunday dinner for the family and not doing anything the rules state for a Sunday! I feel bad because he missed his f1 which he is quite obsessed with :P heh. I'll make it up to him I'm sure. The family seemed to like him. Jack was as delicious as ever. He just sat being so cute. I love that baby so much! I got the best baby cuggles ever off him yesterday. He's so cuggly <3iloveyoujp!!!  My sister and her boyfriend seemed to like him which is REALLY good. Because my sister isn't a very good new people person :)

Sunday night was... CRAZY! AMAZING!! WOW!!! heh! No really, Sunday night was just insane!

He makes me feel so amazing about myself. I hope I can do the same for him!

I want to spend my life with him and that doesn't even freak me out!

iloveyousomuchmyingie<3

Nervous day...

Today is a big day for me, I guess. I'm quite VERY nervous! Ingie is spending his first night here. Now I know what you're thinking oh she's scared he'll see her morning hair, no make-up, bad breath. But that's not it! I don't sleep very well. I have terrors and I shout and fight. I never sleep well, especially when I've got something on my mind. And how can you not have anything on your mind when a gorgeous man in your bed sleeping next to you?! So I'm pooing one today! What do I do? It's been two years since I slept in bed with anyone else! And then it took months for my ex to stay over!
Things are going fast I know, and my friend told me she thinks things are fast. But like I told her, I always take things so slow and steady. I need some spontaneity in my life! And why not?! I really like Ingie and he likes me. Why not have fun?
But Urrgghh I am so nervous. I missed him so much last night. We worked all day and he left and I never got to hold him or kiss him. It was torture!!!
My sister is coming on Sunday. I'm cooking Sunday roast for Ingie, my sister and myself. I'm quite nervous about that too. My sister can be weird with meeting new people. I get to see my beautiful nephew too so that's good :D
Okay I'm off I am slightly hung over and I need to look alive haha!

imquitepooingone! <3

Job interview...

I need to write today. But my brain isn't functioning correctly. I have an interview today with a store for more hours. I only found out about it yesterday. I am literally pooing myself! Urgh! I hate interviews! :(
I've not had a good night sleep. Lots on my mind. Too much on my mind. I feel quite weird today. I'm on a down day today. I hope I get this job. It will be more money and even though I'll be travelling further, the commission and what not will help me afford the house. I need to find a new house mate but I really don't like people and so I don't know what I'm going to do. I think I'd prefer to live with a boy than a girl. I get on better with boys anyway and I only have one real female friend that I'm close to and she already has her own house! Urgh. See I'm rambling. My brain is everywhere.
I feel really sick. Panic attack! I hate feeling like this and I have to get ready for work soon. Argghhh!!
I'm stressing today!

My bloody long day!

Today started off as a slightly sleepy but otherwise good day. It is becoming worse and worse. I'm afraid of what is to come. Let me lead you though my day:

I awoke at 7am to the sound of Florence and the machine's hurricane drunk. Always a good song to wake to as I love singing along and after all the fun of last night it easily assisted my good mood. I hit the snooze button after a little sing along and decided I'd rest for ten before getting out of bed. During this Time I must have fallen back to sleep because when I awoke it was 7:30 and my kitten was climbing on my head. He was doing some weird cleaning thing on my hair which freaked me out quite a bit and I thought it best to get out of bed and feed the little weirdo. So far, so good. My morning continued pretty much the same. I smiled like a Cheshire cat and my kitten tried to trip me up and kill my hair extensions. On my way to work I noticed there were alot of steam gremlins around and this made me smile like a fool because it reminded me of when I was a child and I used to be scared of them. If you don't know what a steam gremlin is, it's when, after the rain, the sun dries up the pavement and you can see the steam coming off it. But it creates a kind of mass of steam which looks like a little steam being, and when cars pass it it's pushed back to the pavement and the same when people pass it, it disperses like it was fearful then joins back together as one.
So yeah, my morning was seemingly good and as an added bonus all the little green men came on at every crossing I neared. That never happens to me. I arrived in work on time even though I set off late and even with my tired state I was still smiling!
My day began to turn sour when my first customer of the day arrived. He was an old tramp who apparently was best friends with a woman from the other shop, however why he did not visit her I couldn't tell you. He said he was 65 years old and that he was heartbroken as he and no credit left on his phone. Okay??? He said other things but I dint know what they were, this old man was rambling. I fixed his phone and nearly puked but things didn't end there oh no! He pulled out a card from his sock and a ten pound note: "I need a fiver on there please darlin" he smelled like urine and I thought I was going to vomit! I took his card and quickly processed his request. I swear to god I have never processed anything as fast in my life! This man was dreadful and I wanted him out of my shop. After he left I yelled to my manager for the alcohol hand wash and I scrubbed and scrubbed!!! That man was awful. I don't care that he was 65 and homeless. Homeless people can still wash!!!
So yeah my stress begun. I got two contractors in to fix the till and the hole in the roof and an electrician to sort the meters. But was my boss anywhere to see? Was he bloody hell. He'd gone out to sort his car and wasn't answering my calls. I got a stress on!!!
I was exhausted and I had to cope with random people who couldn't speak properly asking me stupid questions! Dumb arses!! They stress me the hell out!! I hate idiots!
Then I came home and had to bring the bins in and remembered I'd forgot to put my recycling out! So now I have to wait two bloody weeks!!
Pretty much my day has gone from bad to worse. I'm utterly exhausted now. All I want now is my bed!

ineedtogotosleep<3

Inception:

What a bloody long film!
We went to watch it last night. Everyone's been talking about how it was "The best film of the year!" and "Absolutely amazing!" However, nobody pointed out that it was going to be "The longest film ever!" It was that long I actually screeched a laugh at the top of my lungs at one point!
What a film!

Dear Leo Cappy:
Can you please explain to me the reason why your film was so long? It really was unnecessarily long! The scene with the van falling off the cliff. Was that some kind of middle finger to us the viewers? Because it was bloody ridiculous! Okay, good film, nice story line, gozzy ending. But PLEASE, the next film you do, don't make it so painfully long!
Also, while I'm writing, could you please let me know when you got so fat and old? And what the deal is that the caterpillar on your upper lip? You used to be so beautiful!
On a positive note, I did enjoy a film full of sexy men and women :D (I'm not a lesbian).
Regards,
Yoshimi Cecilia!

Sexy film men and women:
Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Ellen Page
Tom Hardy
Cillian Murphy

thatfilmwastoolong!<3

Over emotional July

Okay, so I should probably clear a few things up. I have been made aware of my super confusing life over complicating my blog. So, I thought to be kind to my single reader Mr eddie242 I would clear up, as much as I can, some of the confusion. Bare with me people, this may take a while to explain.

(Oh and can I just point out, this past week has been THE biggest roller-coaster ride of life! I'm somewhat confused as to where I should start.)

Here goes:
I had been going out with my ex fiancée (let's call him "Dick") for pretty much two years. Prior to that I was single for quite a while and prior to that I was in a relationship with Lee (whom I have mentioned previous) for around 3 years. He was my first true love, or so I thought...

Me and "Dick" had been on and off for over 6 months, and for the past 3 he had been becoming increasingly irate. His drinking was getting out of hand and his mood swings were something to be worried about. I had agreed to marry him at the beginning of the year. Which I should point out was a stupid mistake because I never wanted to get married. But I had turned him down on NYE and this had made him so sad and all I wanted was to make him happy, so it was with good intention that I agreed to the marriage. (Ask him now and I'm sure he'll hate me for it. But I swear it was never meant to be hurtful) So things had been turning sour for months, we'd moved in together which I didn't really want, but guilt trips are guilt trips and the only way to cure them is to give in.

I had met my now boyfriend (let's call him "Ingie") when I started a new job in April. I have to admit I was instantly attracted to him, but I am not the kind of girl to give in to attraction, after all, I had been attracted to people before, right? This was nothing different.
Things were changing within me, I am very very good at ignoring my head and my feelings. But looking back upon it now, I knew things were changing over those few months. In all honesty I know I should have ended our relationship the minute I felt my change, however, I thought I loved this person and as we were to be married it was surely worth putting up a fight.

I hadn't hear from "Ingie" for a few weeks and after a time I became worried about him. Now don't get me wrong, this wasn't any emotional devoted worry, just a worry from one friend to another. When I finally heard from him we became instantly close. We realised we had so much in common and in only a small period of time, he became my best friend. I need to point out that things never happened when I was with "Dick". I am a firm believer of faithfulness and if you wish to be otherwise, end it first.

Things with "Dick" and I went from bad to worse, he drunk every night, he kept fighting with me, arguing ridiculous points of no relevance. He had broken up with me previously around 5 months earlier and had apologised saying things would change: Age old story, they never did.

It was the night before I was due to leave for Orange Rockcorps. As usual the argument started when I was in bed. He liked to pick a fight with me when I was at my most tired. (And most narky) He said things didn't feel the same and that he thought we should "part". I cried and I cried. I had devoted my life to him and he just wanted to give it all up. He said we had both changed and things weren't worth fighting for any more. That "parting" would be best.
It is about now I should point out that I am very immature, and that when a boyfriend is trying to have serious conversation with you, it is never a good idea to reply "Stop saying fucking part." ha! because this doesn't help the situation.

So, he left. I stayed. He went out walking apparently. I cried myself to sleep. I woke at 5am to him next to me.
"Good morning babe, have a great time at Rockcorps!"
What.The.Fuck?!
He's over the break up now. Apparently we are back together. I ignored it. I had to go to Manchester and I couldn't deal with any emotional baggage that morning. He walked me to the park and left me to walk the rest of the way, and on the way down he turned to me and said,
"If you want to do anything with anyone tonight, like if you meet someone you like, I wont mind!"
again... What.The.Fuck?! I was fuming at this point, but I kept it to myself. I told him not to worry and that I would see him soon and I left to go help the world in a tiny way.

I spent the night thinking of "Ingie", he'd previously told he he liked me, and that he knew I didn't feel the same, and I had told him that I did, but I thought he didn't like me. My head was a mess. What am I to do. Leave "Dick" or work through it. I was at a loss. All I could think about were my feelings towards "Ingie". As far as I was concerned mine and "Dick"'s relationship was ending. It had been for a very long time; I was just too afraid to admit it.

The day after I didn't want to go home. I wanted to fall into "Ingie"'s arms and stay there forever. Things at home were awful. "Dick" and I didn't speak didn't hug didn't kiss, there was an uncomfortable silence between the two of us. I invited "Ingie" to the pub with some friends, and "Dick" invited himself along. That was the night we broke up for good. It doesn't need explaining. I'm sure you get the idea.
"It's over, things weren't the same after the other night."
"I agree."

A day later and completely spontaneously, I kissed "Ingie".
It was the most spontaneous thing I have done in my life.
And it felt completely right.
I don't rush things. I take things slow. But this was different. In a matter of day's I'd told him I love him and we were a couple.
I previously mentioned Lee as "My first true love". With all the feelings I have now, I dont think he was my true love. I probably don't know what love is, so maybe I can't tell you how I feel, all I know is that what I feel is amazing and I adore this person with all my heart already.

Finally, in reading this long story, I hope you can see that it wasn't planned and thought out, but it was the best decision of my life.

myboyfriendsnameisingieandilovehimverymuch<3

him

Sitting here, watching Lolita, on my sofa, with my duvet wrapped snug around my body and kitten by my side I feel utterly exhausted. Physically, emotionally. I am lost tonight. My mind is in another realm. And all I want right now it watch my film and cry. How did things end up so awful?
I met the most perfect person ever and now I'm terrified he'll leave me for good. Rule one: Don't get attached. Well... that went out of the window. He knows more about me than anyone I know. Why do I feel so comfortable talking to him? I don't tell people how I feel. I don't talk to people about things. Why am I so at ease with him?
I hope he doesn't run away.
Oh why did I tell him I love him so soon?
It's utterly true but you don't do these things. I'm such a fool!
I've never ever told anyone so soon. I don't think I ever have truly loved anyone else, except lee. Lee is no comparison to him. I have never felt this way. I used to compare everyone I met to Lee. As friends, as lovers. Not him. He's different. He's more than anyone I've ever met.
I don't want to ruin things.
Oh I'm a damn fool!
I need to cry. My head is everywhere and my heart hurts.

iwishtherewasnothingbutus<3

Long sundays

There is NOTHING better than a Sunday spent with my beautiful man! Heh. Even if we did nothing allllll day! It was the best day ever! I keep saying this a lot these days! I am a wash with emotions, it's pretty insane. I have never been this happy. Look at my smile :D ha! Short post... work time!

Amendment to the sunday rules!

Okay, this morning, the Sunday rules were broken. But there was a valid reason for it. And afterwards, I sat and thought to myself; this needs to be added to the Sunday rules!

A little background history.
The Sunday rules were introduced to me as a little girl when my mother used to let me have a whole day to do what ever I wanted. I often had my food the opposite way around; tea, dinner, breakfast. And I'd spend the day under my duvet with my mummy watching old films like Darby O'Gill and the Little People and Swiss Family Robinson!

Obviously, over the years, Sundays have become less of an event, what with work and responsibilities. But I've always aimed to have at least on duvet day in a month. And now I have every Sunday off, duvet days are back! Only problem is, I'm a woman now. And that mean's that some rules need amending to facilitate my needs. There comes a time in every woman's life when their body becomes a vial of rage and anger towards anyone around her. Her insides decide that she needs punishing for just being female and the pain becomes unbearable. (One bonus PMT is a great excuse to have a go at people!!!) I have not had this problem for five whole years (long story), however, this morning I woke up in AGONY!!! I had to get out of bed and bathe. But what a bloody brilliant start to a Sunday!!! Therefore, I have amended the Sunday rules to include the period bath ha! Annnnddd you can even bathe when you don't have a lady week just because bath's are the best!!!!

So here goes.

1. Stay in bed all day! (unless... you have chronic period pains, then you can get in the bath!)
2. You don't have to wash, but if you chose to, get in the bath!
3. Don't bother eating, if it means you have to get out of bed.
4. If you do have to eat, eat junk food and popcorn! (I suggest butter and salt)
5. Think.
6. But don't think too much!
7. Don't worry about a thing. (It's a Sunday!!!)
8. Watch old TV reruns and cheesy old films!
9. Think of boys (or girls) and smile about them all.
10. Find someone to join you. Sundays are best with friends!

I've had the worst morning of my life! Why is it that when I go to bed late something completely dumb happened which means that A: I have to get up early and B: I feel both shitty and tired for the rest of the day? It's absofuckinglutelyrubbish!!!
So, I went to bed at about 3am, after the best day off ever and thought, oh I'll get up a bit late for work tomorrow, be a bit naughty. Did I? Did I feck!!! At 7am I get a phone call from my ex's mum's phone. My head:
"shit shit!! That was loud, that woke me up! Who the hell? Oh his mum I better answer."
What a bloody big mistake!!! It was him, he needed to go to the hospital, dumb ass got attacked in town. Town clearly isn't safe by the way! So, me being kind me goes with him. The only thing my good deed of the day has done is made me really tired and really bloody stressed.
Well no, I tell a lie, it also helped me get around some things that were on my mind about me and my beautiful boyfriend and the situation we are both in with my ex. But that aside; bad day!!!
:(
ineedadouvethug<3

For reference purposes

Myboyfriendissuperamazingilovehim<3

It's good to talk.

Is it?! Is it really? Because my bank account says otherwise! HA! My phone bill has come in at £50.70 this month. It is usually £9.97. I didn't realise how much I talked! Okay I've gone over it a lot more in the past. But my boyfriend lived down south and me up north so what do you expect.
But my god! I've used 297 non-inclusive minutes talking to my best friend!<3 That's literally insane!
I was looking through my call log. Did you know I've called him for 46 mins at a time?! Hahaha! And he's been calling me too. I haven't spent so much time on the phone to someone since I was like 17! It's brilliant!
We really do get on so well! He's like literally my best friend! I have never been so close to someone and known them for such a short amount of time. It's insane!
I've had the best day off work ever today. We walked to Haigh Hall with the dog and had a picnic on a bench heh! We were there for hours! Time goes so fast when were together.
And my kitten loves him!

hesliterallyperfect<3

I have the evillest kitten ever!

He is literally a cat version of me! Ha! I love him soooo much! He talks to me and he nips like I do ha! He's the biggest bully in the world.

Goodnight

He really is just amazing <3

A night for friends.

I need my friends around me tonight.
I feel quite low. My head is a mess. I worry way too much!
I wish I wasn't at work tomorrow. I want to stay up all night listening to Devendra Banhart and feel sorry for myself. Stare into the sky and think of nothing!
I get so scared of my feelings.
I need a big cry.

<3

Good morrow?

No!
I'm too bloody tired!!! Been playing mother cat to my poorly baby kitten <3 he's got a bad tummy. He's spent the whole night biting me and scratching me to get up to look after him. I'm tttiiiirrreeeddd!
He's been really clingy, slept on my tummy all night. My poorly baby.
I've just let him out now. I hope he is okay while I'm at work.

Work is going to be rubbish today, and tomorrow!
I'm working with a complete loser for the next two days. Plusss I need Thursday night to be here NOW!
I can't wait for Thursday! <3 OMG!!!
Ha!
Okay, so I'm going to work, I'm going to sell sell sell, beat the loser and make my day go super-fast.

ieagerlyawaityourarrival<3

Night night x x x

my bedtime music

I want Bernard's watch

Why is it that a day in work lasts forrrreeevvveeerrrrr and a night at home, lasts a moment?
It's utterly utterly frustrating! I spend all my days working and my nights are ruined by the next days work :(
I wish I only needed an hour's sleep. I wish we all needed only an hour's sleep.
I want my nights to last forever!
I want to stay awake until the sky goes blue and the birds are singing in the trees.
I want to sit there and stare at nothing but what's in front of me.
I want time to slow down and stop.

iwantbernardswatch<3

Best. Night. Ever!

I haven't slept that well in months!
I haven't dreamt like that in years!

I woke up this morning at 6am to let the kitten in and I feel amazing!!!

I had the worlds most amazing dream! I was in a fairy glen and it was so beautiful. All sparkly and shiny. Everything had a crisp edge to it which made it all the more fresh and real. The colours were so vivid. it felt so real! And then the world went dark and the fairies panicked. Everything was shadowed by a huge figure blocking out the moonlight. The worlds most amazing dragon appeared. He was so beautiful. Gigantic ruby eyes and the most beautiful skin you've ever seen. Reds, golds and greens. His hair snaked down his back, glistening in the only moonlight visible behind his body. The fairies scattered. This dragon was threatening to them. He was to me, seeing as I was only the same size as those beautiful ethereal creatures myself. But I saw something in the dragon others couldn't see. He was strong and he was brave yes, but he was aware of his size and the delicacy of those around him. I climbed from my toadstool and spoke to him. (Yes! I can speak dragon! Heh!) After a time the dragon accepted me. I became aware of his emotions. Suddenly I grew so tall, taller than all the trees around me, the woods were just a patch in a field of golden corn. I climbed on the dragons back and we soared into the air, swooping into the fingers of corn and rising into the moonlight. For hours I seemed to fly with the dragon. Until I was fast asleep upon his back. When I awoke my dragon was gone, I was back in my forest, sleeping on a hovering leaf of emerald green. It felt like a dream, but I found his chain around my neck, and I knew whever I wished, I could grow and fly with my dragon once again!!!

It was the most real, vivid, amazing dream ever!!!

lastnightwasamazing<3

Cats, mornings and previous nights...

Worst. Sleep. Ever!

My cat woke me up at 5am. He was crying at my front door. Let him in. He cry's for food then curls up in a ball on the top of the stairs. He's putting me on a huge guilt trip!!!

QUESTION: How much are cat's aware of their surroundings and the people they live with?

I'm sure he's putting me on a guilt trip.

I love him so much that I let him bully me. HA! Bullied by a kitten! I have spoilt him too much.

So yeah, this morning I've had a rubbish one!

Last night, when I was sleeping, two men woke me up. They were talking soooo loud outside my bedroom. About downloading and smoking. It made me really angry! People are always standing outside my house talking at stooopid times. Its so annoying. Do you think it would be acceptable to go down to the front door and yell? Or is that lame?! I decided when I was awake to have something to eat, as I haven't properly ate in two days and I threw up everywhere.

NEW RULE: Don't eat gravy if it's 2am and you haven't eaten in two days!!!

I spoke to my ex. It was weird. He seems way too over me too fast. I don't mean that to sound big headed either! It's been 2days and he seems all fine. I think he's poisoning my friends against me too. It hurts. We had a bit of a fight. I couldn't take his me, me, me attitude. I guess I'll find out what's going on tonight.

Apart from all that that I had a reeeally nice night <3

mynightwasgreat<3

Sunday so far...

I went to Tesco. To buy cat food.
Somehow, I've managed to spend £30!

• 48 pouches of cat food (Don'k ask why so many I don't know why!)
• Lots of fruit; Strawberries, raspberries, blueberries and Clementine.
• A bike lock
• Some smokes

How the hell have I spent £30?!?! It baffles me.

I tried to ride home on my bike with all my shopping on the left hand side of my handlebars. People, balance is a must when riding a push-bike!!! I tried to answer the phone and my bike went to the left. I swear I nearly died. I will not be doing that again!

I'm going to tidy the house now. Hoover and mop. I feel quite productive. Its a good feeling! Then I'm going to run a HUGE bubble bath and soak for hours. Read a book. Think about life. Maybe even try and eat some fruit ha! Expensive bloody fruit!

I realised I have quite a few friends I take for granted. I moan and bitch but they're there for me when I need them and I never notice until I do actually need them. I'm going to make more time for them. They're important. :) There are, however, those I thought of as friends, but now I realise not so much. More acquaintances.

Day two of being single; it feels really weird. And it seems to cost a lot!

howhaveispentsomuch? <3

Sunday rules:

1. Stay in bed all day!
2. Don't wash!
3. Don't bother eating, if it means you have to get out of bed.
4. If you do have to eat, eat junk food and popcorn! (I suggest butter and salt)
5. Think.
6. But don't think too much!
7. Don't worry about a thing. (It's a Sunday!!!)
8. Watch old TV reruns and cheesy old films!
9. Think of boys (or girls) and smile about them all.
10. Find someone to join you. Sundays are best with friends!

My Sunday so far:

• Got up way too early
• Have to go buy cat food and smokes
• Have to do the washing
• Have to do the dishes
• Have to mop the floor
• Have to have a wash

But I'm still smiling <3

ilovemysunday