i have another date :)

I have a date tonight. I am, however unsure of what number date I'm up to! I think, I am on date number three. But like I say. I'm unsure. For me, date one was the trip to the park. We had a picnic on the bench and talked for hours. Date two; watching Inception. Bloody awful film but really fun in the cinema with the popcorn and everything :) So I see tonight at date three.

Let me just point out that this isn't just a third date with the love of my life. But also my third date ever!

I had never been on a date before I met <3ingie. Well, not a proper one anyway. So I am absolutely giddy with excitement today. How sad!

It's strange that we can spend so much time together just being with each other, and yet every minute that I see him I still feel that giddy excitement that I did the first day we kissed and the first time we told each other how we feel.

We haven't been together very long, but this relationship feels utterly perfect.

I have to point out that although I fee absolutely giddy with excitement today, I look terrible. I went to bed at 9pm last night and slept through until 5:30 this morning. I had nothing but nightmares which I couldn't wake from and have woken up with a terribly sore throat and snotty nose. I feel physically drained, and emotionally exhausted. My mother selling her house has effected me so much more than I ever imagined. Although consciously I am not aware of any feeling of sadness and remorse for the selling of the house. I have a feeling that deep within my subconscious I am feeling very very downtrodden by it all. I just wish I didn't have to work today.

I want to be well for my date tonight. I don't want to be exhausted and downtrodden. I am so excited and yet I am physically exhausted. It is a weird combination of feelings to contain.

So, tonight we are going to Manchester Trafford Centre. We are going to have Nando's for dinner and then watch Scott Pilgrim vs The World. I am so excited for tonight!

I am going to get dressed in my cutest outfit and do my 1950's hair! Knowing my luck everything will go terrible and I will look like a tramp, but ah well as long as I'm out with him nothing matters!

For now, I will try and survive the day at work. I am way too exhausted for silly games today and hope that it is busy and that people will be decent with me, for it they are not I am sure to come down on them like a ton of bricks!

I am off to get ready for work people.

wishmeluckfortonight<3

i thought i found her today...

I thought I found her today. But it wasn't her. I wasn't sure at first. I was adamant it was her. However, it turns out the girl who added me on myspace is a model and has been on tv. And looks a hell of a lot like her. Just another twin. Even her paintings look like hers.
I guess I'm getting obsessed.
It seems I probably did make her up.
I'm unhappy today :(

three boys i love

I want to read sad blogs and listen to sad music. I'm feeling very down. I haven't had a sad tear leave my eyes in a long time and I still can't seem to cry as much as I try. If I did a cry I'm sure I'd feel so much better. But how can you cry if you don't have anything to cry about? I don't even know why I'm sad.

My life:
I have a perfect boyfriend.
I have a lovely house.
A good job.
A cat.
I am saving to go on the journey of a lifetime.
And never come back.
I have a reason for living now. It's him.
I have a future.

So why am I so low?

Can I show you my three favourite men?
You haven't seen any of them and I talk about two of them a hell of a lot.

So... this may be my ingie<3 who I talk about lots. I love him too much! It's an obsession.

And this is Jack <3 he is my angel. My nephew. I want a Jack all to myself one day!

And thiiisss... Is my angel. My beautiful little boy Toulouse. I love him soooo much!! <3 My baby kitten not so baby anymore!

Night<3

Low day

I want to spend the rest of the day in bed.
I don't want to go to work today. Or any other day for that matter!
I'm so low today.
I miss my boyfriend's hugs :(

icantwaitforhometimefromwork<3

Rushing around

I was going to blog but I'm running late for work. So I'll have to do it another time.
bbfn<3

I love his sexing; I hate my job!

It's never a good sign when you wake up and decide you really don't want to leave the house.

I hate my job!

I really, REALLY, don't want to go to work.

I absolutely hate my job!

All I want today is an empty house, my Man and my bed.

Use your imagination!

Bye <3

My few days

My mother moves in today.

I've been sorting things out for her. I've sorted through my clothes in my wardrobe. Put them into drawers. I've hoovered my room and put my bed on a diagonal.

I like having my bed on a diagonal. I like the way it sleeps. All diagonal, looking at the window on an angle. I like angled beds. I angled my old bed. It was comfy.

I helped her sort through everything. However I got sleepy, so I needed to rest. So she went home to get some more things, and I have sat here on the sofa to rest and to Blog. But this Blog seems quite boring!

Let me off; I'm sleepy!

Ingie stayed over last night.

And the night before.

I'd sleep on him forever if I could!

The other night we had chips and my Mum cut his hair. Let me point out how ABSOLUTELY DEEEELICIOUS he looks with his new hair cut! He looks so YUMMY! Yummy yummy yummy Mmmmmm <3! He's so amazing!

We were so tired. Slept like babies. He said I stole the bed. I didn't, he gave me the bed! He just didn't realise because he was asleep haha!

Yesterday we made home made pizza. It took us hours, and we rented an awful film. But we didn't pay for it. HA! We fell asleep as soon as it came on. It was dreadful. So we slept on the sofa and then went to bed. He slept on one side, I on the other. Because I didn't want him to be falling off the bed again. He still did I'm sure. Curled up like a baby on the edge of the bed.

He sleeps so cute it's really funny. He looks so angry in his sleep! I love it! <3

I love him!

Tonight I'm going to kiss him on the stairs. Like the way I did the other night. But better. I'm going to blow his mind. He makes me feel amazing when I kiss him like that.

IlovehavingaboyfriendwhoappreciatesmelikeIdohim<3!

Hmm...

I don't know where I'm going with this post so bare with me people.
Here goes.

BBBLLLLLLAAAAAAAHHH!
BLah!
BLAH!
bLaH!
BlAh!
blAh!
BlaH!
BLLLLAAH!

theend<3

Writers Block

I want to write. I have so much to say. But when I look at the page, the words wont come out.

I'm in a meeting all day today.

One thing my brain can't bare, is sitting at a table listening to people jabber on about bullshit all day long!

I have the attention span of a 2yr old.

I can't sit behind a desk, in uniform, listening to people jabber on about the 'business' and the 'company'.

I don't give a crap!

I hope it goes fast so I can leave and come home.

I'm tired today. I didn't sleep well last night.

I tossed and turned all night long.

I woke myself up time and time again talking and shouting.

I hate having bad sleeps, especially if I don't remember what I dreamt!

I have a confusing head today.

I have a huge rotten toe.

Don't pick dry skin! HA!

More from me in a little while.

idontwanttowork<3

Sad Song

9 Crimes

leave me out with the waste this is not what i do

it's the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you

it's the wrong time for somebody new

it's a small crime and i got no excuse

and is that alright yeah?

i give my gun away when it's loaded

is that alright yeah?

if you don't shoot it how am i supposed to hold it?

is that alright yeah?

i give my gun away when it's loaded

is that alright yeah, with you?

leave me out with the waste this is not what i do

it's the wrong kind of place to be cheating on you

it's the wrong time she's pulling me through

it's a small crime and i got no excuse

and is that alright yeah?

if i give my gun away when it's loaded

is that alright yeah?

if you don't shoot it how am i supposed to hold it?

is that alright yeah?

i give my gun away when it's loaded

is that alright?

is that alright with you?

is that alright yeah?

if i give my gun away when it's loaded

is that alright yeah?

if you don't shoot it how am i supposed to hold it?

is that alright yeah?

i give my gun away when it's loaded

is that alright

is that alright with you

and is that alright yeah?

is that alright

is that alright

is that alright with you?

no?

Basho, Matsuo.

I love Haiku.

I forgot how much!

                      Fallen sick on a journey,
                      In dreams I run wildly
                      Over a withered moor.

                                  Basho, Matsuo. (1644-1694)

BADMOOD

I'm going slow today. I didn't sleep well and I woke up in a really bad mood.
I need to cheer up. Day off tomorrow. Always good.
I hope I see him soon.
<3

They say you can never have too much of a good thing...

This needs amending!
Short term/long term, some things can be bad, and you can have too much of them.

A good example:
Chocolate cake - Short term; feel very sick. Long term; get very fat.

Or maybe:
Sleep - Short term; over tired. Long term; insomnia.

Soooo... I've decided that 'They' need correcting. Things you can never have too much of:

Love - Short term; that fuzzy feeling of adoration and giddiness you get when you think of them. Long term; the knowledge that you have loved them forever and that your life spent with them has been worth it.

Happiness - Short term; Happiness makes you smile, makes others smile. Long term; Happiness is a gift and if it lasts a lifetime you should be honoured.

So, I've concluded, as long as you have good things, that are good for you, then you can NEVER have too much of them. And this is how I feel about him. I can't see him ever not making me happy, not making me feel that feeling of adoration, and giddiness, that feeling of eternal love.

So 'They', here's my saying. Ame says you can never have too much of a good thing, if its good for you and healthy like love or happiness. Or Ingie <3

And here's another one while were on the Ame sayings...

They say you shouldn't rush things.

BUT I WANT TO! ha! Life is short: hell, life is fast! Damn fast! I'm 23 this year and I still feel like I'm 17. I still act like I'm 5 haha! I know, I know, things shouldn't be rushed, they don't need to be. But this has NEVER felt so right. It's not rushed, its spontaneous and fun! Life is so short. I want to enjoy my whole life with him. He's so fun! He's so perfect! I love him. Like I REALLY REALLY love him!

So... Ame says don't rush things but don't worry if things are quick, life is short, run with it, be spontaneous, live life to the full and every day like it's your last. Kiss him or her or shim! Kiss them until your mouth is sore and you lips are dry, and keep kissing! Don't EVER hesitate anything. Life is a learning curve. Take it on the chin and carry on. You will find perfection in whatever you do and things will get better!

(A lot longer than what 'They' say!) haha

and another thing...
He felt it...
Wana know a secret?...I felt it too!




ilongformybodytowork...iloveingie...hemakesmewantotlive...hemakesmefeelalive<3

Exhaustion leads to emotional insecurities...

I'm utterly exhasusted. Today is my last day working in this hell hole and
as much as I'd love to show off and impress. I'm just too bloody sleepy! I really need to go to bed.
When I'm tired I'm emotional. Its either sad or moody. But either way its emotional.
I need to hug my ingie. I'm feeling kind of low. I can't explain why.
I'm falling asleep in the back office whilst I type this. I can't think of anything except ingie and my bed.
Mmmm... Ingie and my bed <3
Is it wrong, to feel so strongly about someone, so soon?
I want to take himn with me to japan. I've never wanted to experience Japan with anyone else. I always wanted to do it on my own.
Not anymore.
This must be real.

I want to lose a stone. Today I'm restraining. Every morning and every night I step on those scales and everytime I weigh the same. Fat girls don't have boyfriends for very long!
My head says "remeber the rules! Bones are beautiful!" My body says "you are always going to be fat!"
It gets me down.
I just need to lose a stone.

I'm healing. No cut. Just nappy rash cream to layer the sores.

I remind him of another. One he adored. It makes me paranoid. One day I'll develop a complex and scare him away.
I hope that day never comes.

Oh look at me. Moaning because I'm tired. I'm an emotional wreck. I hope sleep comes soon. I can't listen to my thoughts today. But I'm too tired to block them out!

istheresuchathingasbeingtooinlovetoofast?<3

I am sore. It hurts and makes me panic.
Intimacy is hard work.
I've never had this much of it.

ihaveapoorlylala<3

I think I might start vlogging again. Not sure. We'll see. I've not done a webpost in ages

eek

My life.

I want to blog, but I'm exhausted.

Here is a list of my past two days:

YESTERDAY:

• Worked with Ingie - it was fun. We didn't have work sex. My lala hurts! HAHA
• Ingie cooked me dinner - it was really nice, slightly onion-y lol! But good ^_^
• Ingie put nothing but my gran's apron on - He has a gorgeous peach!
• I put flower everywhere - we had a huge food fight. I slapped Ingie's bum with flour.
• Ingie experienced his first food fight - (He's clearly never lived!)
• Ingie put potato down my pants - But I won the fight because I put ice cream on his face!
• We lied together all night.
• I told him my secrets.
• He listened
• I love him!

TODAY:

• I was falling asleep
• I'm still falling asleep
• I ate a whole Aero
• I feel sick
• I miss Ingie
• I love him!

ineedaningiehug<3

Her, and Him.

I have been thinking about my lost friend a lot recently. She meant a great deal to me. She often pops into my head, no reason, she just appears. I try and try to find her but to no avail. I miss her.

Sometimes I think I may have made her up. She seems so real in my mind when she appears. No reason to be in there. Yet when I search, all I find are old pages and long-dead websites, containing just a name.
It makes me think she may never have existed to begin with.

I wish I could see her, just one last time. To tell her how I am, and how much I miss her. She was everything to me. My perfect friend. Now she is just a memory and a night spent searching page upon page of hidden names and private profiles. I want to tell her all about him. About who he is and how he makes me feel. I want to hear her talk of stories past, and to advise on what I am to do.

She would love him. I just know it.
She would see in him exactly what I see.
What he doesn't see.
But should.
She would adore him and she would be so happy that I have met him.

I miss her so much!

I know why I have thought about her so much of late. I just get too afraid to admit it; She was my world, for a little while. She was my sister, my best friend and my love. I felt for her what I had felt for no other, up until this point. And thought I would never feel this much for anyone ever again. She wasn't my lover. I am not sexually oriented in that way. But she was something more than just a friend. I adored her. She, to me, was perfection. And in return, to her, I was the same. That short time that we were together seemed to last for all eternity. I never thought I'd lose her.

She is in my mind because of my emotions at this time. The way I felt for her, I feel now. Yet stronger. More... Powerful. And I am so afraid! I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but deep down I know she is no longer here. I don't know why. I just don't think she walks our earth any more. I lost her and I never got to say goodbye. I am just terrified that something will take him away from me. I was so lost without her. She knew everything about me, there was not one thing she didn't know. I want to be this way with him. To be completely open. I can't lose him. It would destroy me. I felt something for her that I had never felt. And this feeling, which I now have for him, has been magnified a billion times over.
And I cannot lose him.
I am so afraid.

x