Over emotional July

Okay, so I should probably clear a few things up. I have been made aware of my super confusing life over complicating my blog. So, I thought to be kind to my single reader Mr eddie242 I would clear up, as much as I can, some of the confusion. Bare with me people, this may take a while to explain.

(Oh and can I just point out, this past week has been THE biggest roller-coaster ride of life! I'm somewhat confused as to where I should start.)

Here goes:
I had been going out with my ex fiancée (let's call him "Dick") for pretty much two years. Prior to that I was single for quite a while and prior to that I was in a relationship with Lee (whom I have mentioned previous) for around 3 years. He was my first true love, or so I thought...

Me and "Dick" had been on and off for over 6 months, and for the past 3 he had been becoming increasingly irate. His drinking was getting out of hand and his mood swings were something to be worried about. I had agreed to marry him at the beginning of the year. Which I should point out was a stupid mistake because I never wanted to get married. But I had turned him down on NYE and this had made him so sad and all I wanted was to make him happy, so it was with good intention that I agreed to the marriage. (Ask him now and I'm sure he'll hate me for it. But I swear it was never meant to be hurtful) So things had been turning sour for months, we'd moved in together which I didn't really want, but guilt trips are guilt trips and the only way to cure them is to give in.

I had met my now boyfriend (let's call him "Ingie") when I started a new job in April. I have to admit I was instantly attracted to him, but I am not the kind of girl to give in to attraction, after all, I had been attracted to people before, right? This was nothing different.
Things were changing within me, I am very very good at ignoring my head and my feelings. But looking back upon it now, I knew things were changing over those few months. In all honesty I know I should have ended our relationship the minute I felt my change, however, I thought I loved this person and as we were to be married it was surely worth putting up a fight.

I hadn't hear from "Ingie" for a few weeks and after a time I became worried about him. Now don't get me wrong, this wasn't any emotional devoted worry, just a worry from one friend to another. When I finally heard from him we became instantly close. We realised we had so much in common and in only a small period of time, he became my best friend. I need to point out that things never happened when I was with "Dick". I am a firm believer of faithfulness and if you wish to be otherwise, end it first.

Things with "Dick" and I went from bad to worse, he drunk every night, he kept fighting with me, arguing ridiculous points of no relevance. He had broken up with me previously around 5 months earlier and had apologised saying things would change: Age old story, they never did.

It was the night before I was due to leave for Orange Rockcorps. As usual the argument started when I was in bed. He liked to pick a fight with me when I was at my most tired. (And most narky) He said things didn't feel the same and that he thought we should "part". I cried and I cried. I had devoted my life to him and he just wanted to give it all up. He said we had both changed and things weren't worth fighting for any more. That "parting" would be best.
It is about now I should point out that I am very immature, and that when a boyfriend is trying to have serious conversation with you, it is never a good idea to reply "Stop saying fucking part." ha! because this doesn't help the situation.

So, he left. I stayed. He went out walking apparently. I cried myself to sleep. I woke at 5am to him next to me.
"Good morning babe, have a great time at Rockcorps!"
What.The.Fuck?!
He's over the break up now. Apparently we are back together. I ignored it. I had to go to Manchester and I couldn't deal with any emotional baggage that morning. He walked me to the park and left me to walk the rest of the way, and on the way down he turned to me and said,
"If you want to do anything with anyone tonight, like if you meet someone you like, I wont mind!"
again... What.The.Fuck?! I was fuming at this point, but I kept it to myself. I told him not to worry and that I would see him soon and I left to go help the world in a tiny way.

I spent the night thinking of "Ingie", he'd previously told he he liked me, and that he knew I didn't feel the same, and I had told him that I did, but I thought he didn't like me. My head was a mess. What am I to do. Leave "Dick" or work through it. I was at a loss. All I could think about were my feelings towards "Ingie". As far as I was concerned mine and "Dick"'s relationship was ending. It had been for a very long time; I was just too afraid to admit it.

The day after I didn't want to go home. I wanted to fall into "Ingie"'s arms and stay there forever. Things at home were awful. "Dick" and I didn't speak didn't hug didn't kiss, there was an uncomfortable silence between the two of us. I invited "Ingie" to the pub with some friends, and "Dick" invited himself along. That was the night we broke up for good. It doesn't need explaining. I'm sure you get the idea.
"It's over, things weren't the same after the other night."
"I agree."

A day later and completely spontaneously, I kissed "Ingie".
It was the most spontaneous thing I have done in my life.
And it felt completely right.
I don't rush things. I take things slow. But this was different. In a matter of day's I'd told him I love him and we were a couple.
I previously mentioned Lee as "My first true love". With all the feelings I have now, I dont think he was my true love. I probably don't know what love is, so maybe I can't tell you how I feel, all I know is that what I feel is amazing and I adore this person with all my heart already.

Finally, in reading this long story, I hope you can see that it wasn't planned and thought out, but it was the best decision of my life.

myboyfriendsnameisingieandilovehimverymuch<3