A box of memories

A box of memories can be a difficult item to explore at the best of times. But a box of memories from a time you don't like to remember is impossible to explore! Not without the reliving the pain from earlier years.
My mother brought me a box today. It was filled with papers and notes. I thought not much of it and threw myself in. And then I went quiet and asked my mother to leave. This box is hard work.
I went through some of the items. But I can't deny the pain it caused.
I found my old journal from 2006. I read a page and closed it. I know it needs to be read. It will make things much easier for me when I have dealt with those emotions I'm sure. However, I have held on to them for such a long time. I don't think I'm ready to say goodbye to them.
I found a card from Lee. I should have thrown it away. But I'm not ready to.
I found a letter to Lee. I kept that as well.
I didn't keep them because I love him, or miss him. I didn't keep them because I want to remember him. I did it just because I'm not ready to throw them away. I don't know why. I can't say. I'm just not ready. It was a big big time in my life; being hospitalised, having my operation, getting cancer, losing Lee. All big parts of my life. So yeah, my box is going in a corner, until I am ready to read it.

iamhavingasadnight<3